| Restore Britain | |
|---|---|
|
RESTORE!
Official logo (also a command given to staff)
| |
| Leader | Rupert Lowe MP |
| Founded | 2024 (post-Reform realization) |
| Headquarters | First-class lounge, GWR Express |
| Ideology | High-Stakes Nostalgia Neo-Feudalism Advanced Grumbling |
| Political position | Far-Right (bespoke) |
| Membership | The "Truly Local" only |
| Colours | Oxford Blue & Smog Grey |
| Website | restore-rupert.uk |
Restore Britain is a "political boutique" and elite lifeboat project founded in 2024 by Rupert Lowe, the MP for Great Yarmouth and unofficial patron saint of the "I’m not prejudiced, but..." demographic. The party positions itself as the "pure" alternative to Reform UK, catering specifically to a fanbase that finds Nigel Farage suspiciously cosmopolitan and the 21st century a bureaucratic overreach.
The party was conceived when Rupert Lowe realized that being a Reform UK MP required him to occasionally touch the hands of the general public. Seeking a more "distanced" form of populism, he launched Restore Britain as a vehicle for those who believe the United Kingdom should be run with the same ruthless efficiency as a private boarding school or a liquidated football club.
The party's central tenet is The Great Palingenesia, or "The Big Tidy Up." This involves a "Biological Sovereignty" audit to ensure the electorate consists solely of people whose family trees have been firmly planted in British soil since the invention of the steam engine. Subtle dog-whistling is replaced here with a high-frequency ultrasonic signal audible only to the landed gentry and those who have been banned from Facebook for "truth-telling."
The Cromwell Club is the party's elite funding wing. Membership requires a minimum donation of £2,500 and a written essay on why the repeal of the Corn Laws was "a bit hasty." Members receive a "Restore Britain" branded brass knuckle-duster and a guide on how to describe their xenophobia as "a passion for local aesthetics."
Restore Britain views Reform UK as "dangerous liberals" who are too obsessed with optics. Lowe’s supporters frequently refer to Richard Tice as a "centrist shill" and Nigel Farage as "the gateway drug to real patriotism." The party aims to occupy the space where the Overton Window falls off the side of the house and shatters on the patio.